I pride myself on being a Phoenix, able to rise from the ashes over and over again. I actually took the name Phenix after a series of deaths and rebirths that I experienced in this lifetime. It just kept happening and so I felt to name this phenomenon in my life. I do a lot of studying of Christ Consciousness and the life, death and resurrection of our messiah. My current understanding of it all is that death is actually when we choose to separate from our divine godself love, forget who we are, and incarnate on this planet. Life after death is the process of returning to that divine love or waking up inside our bodies. Death and resurrection themes are everywhere. I see a death phase as a segment of time during which your ego or identity is lost, often due to pain, misfortune or discord. At least that is how it feels to me when I am being asked to let go of my attachments and unhealthy behaviors. In reality, a death phase could be seen as a gift, an opportunity, a blessing, or a divine teaching. In my experience of these times, life feels dark. They often feel lacking in love and I have often attributed these times to a broken heart. Dark days of the soul. I have from time to time found myself in these spaces surrounded by my own shadow, feeling disconnected from miracles and the divine. It’s all I can do to chase the tendrils of light that come to me in the form of friends, the occasional affirmation, and surprise gifts. It’s these tendrils of light and catching them like the string on a balloon that has seen me through these dark days. The dark side of a yin yang. All black with that tiny dot of light. It’s like that. At this point in my life, I have gone through enough of these dark times to recognize them for the spiritual death that they are. I know that I am deep in the medicine of spirit and often I sink into that dark oblivion with my middle fingers pointed to the sky angry at god for yet another painful death in this life. No, I am not always graceful or filled with reverence. I have a fiery temper and when my old reality and life that I thought I loved is crashing down around me, I sometimes get pissed. I know, super spiritual right? Even though I know, I truly know, that on the other side of a dark age is a golden one. It never fails. I always experience a golden age after a dark one. An age of miracles, expansion, epic love, adventures and miraculous blessings of abundance. Our dark days are a form of spiritual cleansing. They strip us of our former identities, show us our slimy, stinking shadow, and we fall through the self made cracks in our foundation. Sometimes the only thing left is a weeping shell of your former self. In these experiences, the ones where we feel like we are losing everything in a fire that we created, the truth is all that remains. We get to rebuild from a purified place. Everything just crumbled and all that is left is the truth of who you are. Your divine essence. The resilience of your spirit. This process of spiritual alchemy is what Jesus was showing us through his crucifixion. He was projected on, turned against, betrayed, abused and then hung in public to die in front of everyone. And you thought your dark day death phase felt bad? He came to show us the resurrection that comes from allowing ourselves to die. Even when hundreds or possibly thousands of people had a false view of who Jesus of Nazareth was, the truth of who he was is what rose again. And through his death and rebirth he ascended into the realms of heaven and so will we. It is our destiny. For every dark day death there is the gift of rebirth. The light side of the yin yang will come and then you can spend your days chasing the tendrils of shadow darkening the light until your next dark day is upon you. #blessingswarriorsoflight
I am living at an eco village in Costa Rica and for the last week, almost all the visitors and residents have been sitting with Ayahuasca, a plant medicine where everyone dresses in white and sings and prays and purges together in ceremony. My first time sitting with Ayahuasca was potent in that her message for me was something like this, “People come to me to access dimensions of awareness they otherwise don’t have access to, they use me to commune with spirits and angels and to see the higher realms. You already do this, so my invitation to you is to practice being, and to practice being without the medicine.” This two day ceremony set me on a path of sobriety that is with me to this day. I actually facilitate plant medicine for a living, it is one of the modalities and pathways I use as a healing tool and yet most of the time, I do not partake. I have chosen to embark on a quest to become the medicine, activating the codes and tools needed without utilizing sacrament to amplify them. Even so, as the sensitive soul that I am, being around all the individuals who have chosen to sit in ceremony while I chose to hold space on the outside has activated a medicine journey within my being and has stirred my own pain to be examined. I can see and hear angels and do communicate with spirits and other entities on the regular. At this point in my journey, I have facilitated countless exorcisms and spirit integrations as well as performed psychic surgeries with miraculous results. I am able to regularly commune with the energies of Jesus and Mary Magdalene as well as numerous other ascended masters. Astral travel comes easily to me and I can look into someone's body to tell them what is out of resonance in their being. I have a direct channel to the spirit planes and have an abundance of visitations and practice conversing with extraterrestrial beings. I am extremely grateful for my access to these realms and the spiritual gifts that have presented for me in this lifetime. I have built an incredibly unique livelihood for myself as a spiritual and shamanic practitioner. I have seen and experienced things that most people don’t ordinarily have access to and because of that, I have experienced the depths of extreme loneliness. Walking through the world with extrasensory perception is an extraordinary blessing and yet, because of my experiences beyond the physical, I have often felt worlds apart from others. I sometimes see to be in a dimension of my very own, hands outstretched for connection without ever fully landing the touch. Occasionally, someone will join me for a ritual or an out of body travel experience and I will feel momentarily met, but these experiences have only happened sporadically and the feeling doesn’t remain. I am faced with this internal struggle between allowing myself to develop and expand my consciousness to support the evolution of humanity (which is why I reincarnated here) and wanting to be a part of something, to experience beings who are speaking the same language as I am. In fact, in reading this, some of you will know exactly what I am talking about as you hold wisdom and memories that seemingly set you apart. You may have shared your experiences and have had it land on blank understandings with people who don’t share your awareness. Or you may be in the grouping of people who read this and have absolutely no idea what I am talking about when I refer to akashic records, ka body, chakras, tantra and out of body experiences. I am sure that whatever your experience with the esoteric is and or any other realms of knowledge that you carry, that you also have the experience of feeling alone or apart sometimes. I have found solace in the inner knowing that to carry this wisdom is to carry a torch for humanity to remember. Magic is innately in us and all around us. There are many of us who reincarnated during this time of great transition to hold a pillar for the transformation of the planet. In these moments of profound loneliness, I drop deep into the depths of my beingness and acknowledge my great courage for being able to walk in this way. I recognize that spiritual awareness on the planet is rapidly rising. There are many who are being called to a higher purpose and shedding the layers of the old world. After the last fifteen thousand years of dark ages, we are now embarking on another golden era. That is why we are awakening and why the awakening ones are scattered all around the planet uplifting and shining in the worlds they have chosen to advocate for. We were not meant to fit in, we were born to stand out.
Helpful Tools for Transforming Lonliness: 1. Breathe - taking some time to drop into breathe can heal all things. There are many breath practices that you can choose from.
2. Time in nature - when I am feeling lonely a walk on the beach at sunset it my favorite cure. It is difficult to stay in pain surrounded by our earth mothers beauty
3. Ask for support - just because you feel alone doesn't mean that you actually are. Call a friend, add a spiritual practitioner as a friend on facebook. Book yourself a healing session. Connect
4. Open your heart - I find that lonliness actually comes from a hardened or constricted heart chakra. In this case, I typically meditate for a moment on bringing earth energies up from the ground, spiritual energies down from the sky and let them flow together out the front and back of my heart center (chakra).
5. Connect to your spirit team - for so many years, I felt that my only friends were spirits. Taking some time to connect to beings from the higher realms can help soothe my nervous system. If I need this, I stop breathe, ask for an ascended master to join me and open myself up to the sensation and potential messages of that experience.